Be warned though, I am not quite what I seem.
I am strange, and proud of such.
Nina here, broken, healing, and getting stronger daily.
If you’re having a bad day, just watch this sleeping kitten.
Its tiny black nose, its little cushioned black jellybean toes, the halo of silver moonlight hairs on the silky black fur.
Laughed because that was me last year.
Frowned because it killed me to quit.
110 pounds for someone who is 5’7 wasn’t safe and my team looked down on me if I wasn’t under the weight.
I’m hurting everyone around me. I’m terrible at this. I just. I want to be done with it all and go away and be forgotten and know she won’t die if I do.
I hate me. I hate that I hurt everyone around me. I hate that I can’t ever seem to do good in the world.
nevermind. forget it.
My new member class was talking about how one of our sister’s husband and her make such an attractive couple and the only way they could compare is to be a lesbian couple. All I could think is “well… this is awkward.” instead I said, “Well, I’m marrying a cat. I am in the most attractive relationship.”
….This is why I cannot have a kitten for Christmas, isn’t it?
I’m so dizzy today. It’s terrible. It’s not because of lack of food, or I don’t think it is. I am sick as a dog and this congestion is killing me. Making my ears pop and my head spin. I was trying to make letters and do homework today but I got incredibly lonely, I don’t even know why. I’m just. Not good at being with myself. Especially when I am working with scissors. Scissors scare me. Not because of them alone but what I’m capable of with them. I was sewing letters for my big and well, yea. I have to cut them out and stuff. I should go finish, I only have one sigma left but it’s getting hard to concentrate. I’m tired. I stayed up until 4 am and slept until 9 am. Yea. I’m such a good sleeper.
I want Frenchie. She hasn’t texted me for 13 hours…. which isn’t a big deal. But I’m really lonely and could use her company. Or well, anyone’s for that matter.
I’m just not good at being alone. At all. I start thinking about myself. I’m not terribly fond of myself.
Last night was fun. But I was so guilty all night…. and I don’t know. I just. Taylor Swift isn’t doing anything for me today.
Yea, that’s about all. I’m just. Lonely.
I don’t expect anyone to read this. I don’t know if it will be triggering or not.
I just need to get it all out of my head.